For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize