1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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