I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
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I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
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Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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