ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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