Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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