Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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