So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
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Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
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Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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