piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
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Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
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Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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