i barfeds in our rink
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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