would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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