You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
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You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
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I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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