My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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