is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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