1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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