If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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