I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
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the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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