well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize