fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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