I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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