I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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