Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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