Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize