Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
This is my gift to your gina
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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