No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize