she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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