I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize