Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
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You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
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The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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