i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize