You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
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He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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