I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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