so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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