I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize