The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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