i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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