Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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