I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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