Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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