Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize