I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
wow bdsm is so cute
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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