Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
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I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
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hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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