i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
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You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
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this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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