Umm I'm too high to move.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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