Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Can Purell be used as lube?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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