How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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