so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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