Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
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You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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