I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
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The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
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Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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