It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize