Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
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we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
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smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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