He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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